we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
