I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
