What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
