Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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