Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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