he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
