i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The air was thick with penises
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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