you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
