There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We had to coat check the pizza.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
