Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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