At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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