he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
