Will you blow on my dice?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
