I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
