What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
