How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
