Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
