This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
