I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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