There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
