They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
