dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
