Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
