i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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