your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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