just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
