Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
now i know why i became what i already was.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
