Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
