READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
