break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't deserve a penis
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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