Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just saw a hot homeless man
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
