Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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