You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
