She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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