i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
