4 words: hood of his car
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
