I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
