My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
