Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
