you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
