My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Who died my cat blue again?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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