i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
