dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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