Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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