i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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