so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
