21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
At least life still wants to fuck me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
