Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
