If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
