highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
